someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
