would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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