when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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