I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
