you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
