Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
