they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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