K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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