did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
