I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
