ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
