quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
