Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
