how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
