I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
