im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
