the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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