if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
nutella sex= disaster
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
