Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
