your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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