I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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