Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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