I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
