I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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