oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
