Me too!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
