After last night, I could never be a politician.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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