Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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