I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
