Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
