i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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