Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
