You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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