i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
