you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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