I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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