My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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