my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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