I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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