Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
