I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
