Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
