Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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