just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
