you guys were way drunker than both of me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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