you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
