Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
