Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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