Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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