I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
