I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
