I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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