He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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