Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize