she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
