Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Randomize
