I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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