On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
