The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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