How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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