I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
