can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
