just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
