Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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