i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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