Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
