This girl is more easily done than said...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
