There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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