i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
