I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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