i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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