don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just gift wrapped bread.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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